The Burning Desire Behind Fear

See, the more you are afraid of something, the more you are attracted to it.

I had my first crush when I was about 10. I really liked her, she was a very pretty girl. And I think she actually liked me too, now analyzing events in the past, she gave me plenty of opportunities to do something. To do anything. Yet, I never did anything. Instead, I would make up scenarios in my mind, about us going for walks, I´d bring her dandelion flowers, later on, I imagined how we´d kiss… I recently saw her again. She´s still pretty, but I realized I changed a lot.

And it made me think how different my life would be, have I mustered the balls and told her back in the day. I´d either get together with her and get massive amounts of confidence with women at very tender and milestone teenage years. Would have saved me countless hours of browsing through self-development material. Or, I would have been rejected. I´d be sad for some time and then I´d find another girl who I liked sooner or later. In any case, I´d get massive experience and use my energy and focus for actually doing something, not imagining something.

Scared shitless of starting your own business? What will your friends and relatives think? What if you fail? You don´t have the money, the knowledge… Guess what, deep down, you really want to do it.

See that hot girl in the gym and want to go chat her up? It´s weird to talk to strangers, she´s too hot for me, what will I say, she´s got a boyfriend. Guess what, deep down you want her.

Do you daydream in the office (or school) about visiting some exotic beach where sun always shines? Guess what, that place is 500$ away. But you´re too afraid to book the ticket.

Why do heroes inspire us so much? Because they did what we couldn´t. They acted in the face of fear, and in return they have gotten money/respect/love/insert your reward. Hell, we even respect people who try something amazing and then fail. You give them props for having the balls to try.

Why do most of us press “like” to that “pretty motivational quote” on Facebook? And why do most of us then not do anything about it? For a moment you allow yourself to dream about it, how it would be. What if… And then you realise that that´s not you. Not today. And you go on reading some other dumb shit just to kill the spark of the burning desire the quote awakened in you.

So what´s the problem? The problem is in our Luggage we carry around. The Luggage comes in all sorts of ways. Our Ego (the fake image about ourselves) that wants to protect itself, various mental masturbations on the potential results of our actions. Giving too much of a fuck about what people will think, the way we were raised and a whole lot more. It´s a big, ugly and scary mess.

So how do we actually combat this? I´m not going to give you any generic advice: “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” Look, humanity´s best thinkers have all tried to answer this question, each in their own respective way. It´s a part of the humane condition. I´m afraid I can´t give you the answer here, because you´ll need to find it for yourself.

What I can tell you however is that I´m afraid of stuff every day. And I know a few people who are really successful and change people´s lives, yet they are also afraid much more that “the masses”. And every day, I need to use insane amounts of willpower, leverage and habits to be able to attack my fears. And then people say I have a lot of balls. No shit, sherlock.

However, what I can tell you is that the burning desire behind your fear is real.  And once you experience or even fulfill that desire, your relationship to fear changes.

So go on and get to know your fears. If you dare.

Peace,

Bostjan